Wow- I really stink at keeping up with this blogging business. Can't imagine why...
I've been thinking a lot about life recently, and how the longer I live the more I realize that you can never truly understand a situation until you have experienced it yourself. I hate to admit that I used to be one of those people who thought I knew a lot about stuff I had no clue about. I still know a lot of people like this...I find them amusing, to be honest. I don't think it really hit me until I had Avery. I cringe now when I think of the times I cast a downward gaze on a mom whose child/children appeared unruly and obnoxious thinking to myself I would have handled their situation so much better and that MY future children would never behave like that. Have you ever noticed that it's always the people WITHOUT kids who give moms those looks. Not that all people without kids are like this, of course, there are many people without kids who are very patient and understanding regarding other peoples' children (God bless them!). It's just that a mom wouldn't EVER do that to another mom...we've all been there and know what it's like. Funny how that works.
I remember sitting on my sofa when I was pregnant with Avery. My precious fur-ball, Abby, was curled up on my lap and I thought to myself, "I wonder if I will be able to love this baby like I love this cat." Abby WAS my baby...I would have done anything for her. I've talked to many pet owners who wondered the same thing...how could you possibly love a baby more than your furry baby? The minute I held Avery for the first time I was completely overwhelmed by how much I loved her. Seriously...ask my cat, suddenly it was, "Abby, who?" I know that sounds harsh, but seriously. There was NO comparison. I didn't even know I could love anything like I loved that child. Of course I love my husband...actually, I adore my husband. He is, without a doubt, the best man I have ever known. He is loyal, devoted, and has more integrity and character in his little finger than most men could ever hope for. But the way you love your child is just different. It comes from a different place...it's the purest, most selfless form of love and I can only equate it to the way God must love us, his children. And there was no way I could have known what it was going to be like until I actually experienced it.
Fast forward a few years...Avery's almost 3 and we have been blessed with the gift of baby #2 on the way. We are ecstatic- however, I was apprehensive. I found myself wondering if it were fair to have another baby when clearly my heart belonged to Avery. How could I possibly love another child like I loved her? I can remember mentioning this to only 3 people because part of me felt really guilty for having these feelings. I shared my concerns with 3 people- my husband, my MIL, and my mom. John had the same concerns. Avery is the apple of his eye- he was worried, too! John is an only child, so my MIL couldn't relate. She actually agreed with me that she didn't know how people could love a second baby like their first. Awesome- that wasn't what I wanted to hear. My mom would listen...then laugh as she would say, "Just you wait..." She recalled her own experience with the same question. She said she wondering the same thing one night when she was pregnant with me. She was carrying my brother up to bed and wondering how in the world she could love her new baby as much as this boy in her arms. She assured me that the moment I was born she loved me just as much...I wasn't buying it.
I have to admit that my concerns got worse before they got better...the day we found out Jack was a boy we were thrilled. That was the news we were secretly...or not so secretly, hoping for. One of each- how perfect! But suddenly it hit me...a BOY. YIKES! What on earth am I supposed to do with a boy?! I know how to have a girl. I know hair bows and ballet lessons and tutus and PINK! I can't sit through basketball practices and t-ball games....can I? I hate anything camouflage, think GI Joes toys are stupid and REALLY like my house to be clean, not smell like dirty gym socks. Oh, and don't even get me started on how ugly the clothes are for little boys. Do they have to put skulls and cross bones on EVERYTHING?! Most of the time I worried silently, it just seemed horribly ungrateful to express any of this out loud. I had been blessed with a baby boy- and clearly God wouldn't give him to me to raise if he didn't think I could do it. I reminded myself of this daily.
When I think back on it, God must have been laughing his head off at me knowing how my mind and heart would be changed the minute that my baby boy was placed in my arms. One look at his little face and I was head over heels in love. Suddenly, thoughts of sitting through basketball practices and his stinky teenaged tennis shoes seemed like bliss. All my fears and concerns about not being able to love him as much as his sister melted away...I already DID love him as much. God, in an instant, opened my heart and made more than enough room for the new little man in my world. Until Jack arrived I couldn't have conceived of this. Until he was in my arms I never could have known how complete and full my heart could feel. Until there was you, my little love...until there was you.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saying Goodbye to the Terrible/TerrificThrees!
Today my first born will go to sleep as a 3 year old...and wake up tomorrow a 4 year old. I don't even know how to comprehend that. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was expecting her, planning for her arrival and carrying her home from the hospital. The 5 months it took her to "sleep through the night" seemed like an eternity.
Then suddenly I blinked and my baby was 1. A walking, talking adorable 1 year old with a hilarious sense of humor and a zest for life. She used to want to hold my hand everywhere she went and carried her bunny, whom she called "B" as she toddled along beside me. We used to go for walks and play "What does...." where I would ask her what certain animals said and she would reply with an animal sound (with gusto, of course!) Our days were filled with giggles, smiles, laughter and games. It was a blissful existence and I cherished every second!
Before I knew it I blinked again and she was 2. My independent little girl no longer wanted Mommy to help her do everything...oh no, the phrase I've heard the most out of her mouth has got to be, "I can do it myself!" Her second year brought the start of wonderful adventures like a new house with new friends, preschool, real play dates, and potty training! With her new-found independence came new challenges. I quickly discovered that discipline and boundaries were necessary, and that my role as a parent now included being firm in addition to playful and fun. I missed being "happy, smiley Mommy" and hated being the disciplinarian...
And whoever coined the term "terrible twos" must have done so before their child was ever 3...because clearly the threes are WAY worse than the 2's! Avery found her sass, her bossiness and her inner diva during her 3's. I missed the days of simply giggling and laughing with my baby and suddenly my job seemed more serious and my days included things like "time outs" and asking, "What better choice will you make next time?" As Avery stretched her independent wings I found I had to be right along with her making sure I was instilling the "inner voice" of morality. I didn't want her to just know that actions have consequences. I wanted her to learn to make a conscious choice to do the right thing, and to know WHY it was the right thing. There were nights I cried with frustration wondering what had possessed my sweet baby girl to do or say things and wondering why no one ever warns you that parenting can be so hard. I asked people for advice, read books, and then finally had to decide what worked for us and what we were comfortable with as parents. It took time, more patience than I ever thought I could have, lots of consistency, love and understanding but we finally got our "sweet baby" back. Almost overnight we seemed to have a more mature child who understood boundaries and wanted to do the right thing. We still have days where I want to ram my head into the wall...but they are few and far between and I am happy to report that I have a child who knows right from wrong, is socially aware of other peoples' feelings and a child that I genuinely enjoy being around!
You know how they say "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb?" They should say the same thing about the third year of a child's life. It's amazing how much they grow up in 1 year. I began the past year with a child who'd just given up her binkie, was going to preschool for the very first time, and who was going through some serious training in following directions and listening. Today I am ending the year with a little girl. A beautiful, articulate, smart and personable little girl who can write her own name, dress herself, pour her own drinks and pump on the swings.
I remind myself everyday...even when I'm completely worn out, to take a few moments to enjoy her being this age- to lie with her in the grass and look at the clouds, to make a mess with glitter and paint and not worry about the fact that it's going to have to be cleaned up, to let her help me make dinner even though it's going to take me twice as long and be twice as messy. These are the moments that I will cherish forever...and the moments that go by way too fast. There will always be bills to pay, dishes to wash, and clothes to iron...but she won't always be little, she won't always beg for me to play with her and want me to cuddle in bed with her and share secrets. She won't always want to perform dance routines for me or let me help her catch butterflies in the backyard. These are the moments in life that matter. These are the moments that, once lost, I can never get back. This is truly what it's all about. So with tears in my eyes and a wistful heart I say goodbye to the year that brought so much growth and maturity to my little girl (and to myself as a parent). I look forward to what lies ahead...and embrace the FABULOUS FOURS!
Then suddenly I blinked and my baby was 1. A walking, talking adorable 1 year old with a hilarious sense of humor and a zest for life. She used to want to hold my hand everywhere she went and carried her bunny, whom she called "B" as she toddled along beside me. We used to go for walks and play "What does...." where I would ask her what certain animals said and she would reply with an animal sound (with gusto, of course!) Our days were filled with giggles, smiles, laughter and games. It was a blissful existence and I cherished every second!
Before I knew it I blinked again and she was 2. My independent little girl no longer wanted Mommy to help her do everything...oh no, the phrase I've heard the most out of her mouth has got to be, "I can do it myself!" Her second year brought the start of wonderful adventures like a new house with new friends, preschool, real play dates, and potty training! With her new-found independence came new challenges. I quickly discovered that discipline and boundaries were necessary, and that my role as a parent now included being firm in addition to playful and fun. I missed being "happy, smiley Mommy" and hated being the disciplinarian...
And whoever coined the term "terrible twos" must have done so before their child was ever 3...because clearly the threes are WAY worse than the 2's! Avery found her sass, her bossiness and her inner diva during her 3's. I missed the days of simply giggling and laughing with my baby and suddenly my job seemed more serious and my days included things like "time outs" and asking, "What better choice will you make next time?" As Avery stretched her independent wings I found I had to be right along with her making sure I was instilling the "inner voice" of morality. I didn't want her to just know that actions have consequences. I wanted her to learn to make a conscious choice to do the right thing, and to know WHY it was the right thing. There were nights I cried with frustration wondering what had possessed my sweet baby girl to do or say things and wondering why no one ever warns you that parenting can be so hard. I asked people for advice, read books, and then finally had to decide what worked for us and what we were comfortable with as parents. It took time, more patience than I ever thought I could have, lots of consistency, love and understanding but we finally got our "sweet baby" back. Almost overnight we seemed to have a more mature child who understood boundaries and wanted to do the right thing. We still have days where I want to ram my head into the wall...but they are few and far between and I am happy to report that I have a child who knows right from wrong, is socially aware of other peoples' feelings and a child that I genuinely enjoy being around!
You know how they say "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb?" They should say the same thing about the third year of a child's life. It's amazing how much they grow up in 1 year. I began the past year with a child who'd just given up her binkie, was going to preschool for the very first time, and who was going through some serious training in following directions and listening. Today I am ending the year with a little girl. A beautiful, articulate, smart and personable little girl who can write her own name, dress herself, pour her own drinks and pump on the swings.
I remind myself everyday...even when I'm completely worn out, to take a few moments to enjoy her being this age- to lie with her in the grass and look at the clouds, to make a mess with glitter and paint and not worry about the fact that it's going to have to be cleaned up, to let her help me make dinner even though it's going to take me twice as long and be twice as messy. These are the moments that I will cherish forever...and the moments that go by way too fast. There will always be bills to pay, dishes to wash, and clothes to iron...but she won't always be little, she won't always beg for me to play with her and want me to cuddle in bed with her and share secrets. She won't always want to perform dance routines for me or let me help her catch butterflies in the backyard. These are the moments in life that matter. These are the moments that, once lost, I can never get back. This is truly what it's all about. So with tears in my eyes and a wistful heart I say goodbye to the year that brought so much growth and maturity to my little girl (and to myself as a parent). I look forward to what lies ahead...and embrace the FABULOUS FOURS!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Better late than never...
2 years, 7 months, and 23 days...that's how over-due this blog is. In October of 2007, I was a new Mom with the best of intentions. I had a beautiful new baby girl, a lovely home, and an amazing husband whom I loved more than life itself. I vowed to give my child the best life I possibly could- to never cut corners, to provide stability, security, and the nurturing my child would need to grow into the amazing person she was destined to become. I promised to document her every move so that one day she could look back and see how amazing she was...Oops. Somewhere between midnight zombie feedings, endless bottle cleanings, diaper changes and trips to the store, the whole "blog" thing kept getting put off. It was constantly put on my list of things to do when life got a little less hectic- HA! Little did I know in those early naive days, life would never be "less hectic". Well, at least not for another 18 years or so. Looking back, I actually wish I'd appreciate how uncomplicated and peaceful those first months were. Needless to say, it has finally dawned on me that my child is growing up faster than I ever could have imagined, life is NOT slowing down, and I need to stop making excuses and start writing. So Avery, thus begins your blog- the blog of an amazing child who brings more happiness, joy, and drama to my life than I ever could have hoped for. Better late than never!
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